Memories X

I woke up the next morning feeling wretched. After my tearful flight home, I’d wanted nothing more than the comfort of Sophie’s hand, or the warmth of Willi’s embrace. And now I knew that I could have neither. They were weaving a web of their own demise, and I was sitting by, watching them do this. My head aching, I decided that fresh air would be the best thing for me right then. Throwing on a sweater and some shoes, I ran to the park, letting the frigid February air numb my face and my mind. Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around me. Twisting around, I looked up at the perpetrator. It was Willi. He was smiling as if nothing in the world was wrong, as if his friends hadn’t just planned their own imprisonment. I could feel my eyes welling up with tears. Willi noticed, and wiped them away.

“What’s wrong, Bea? What happened?” I buried my face in his sweater before answering. In a low voice, I told him exactly what I had seen and heard last night. When I finished, Willi shook his head in defeated.

“I never imagined we’d have an audience. Lucky it was you and not the Gestapo. Before I explain, I just want you to know that I quit last night – their suicide mission is tomorrow. Hans was taking too many risks, leaving too much evidence out. Sophie had always been there to rationalize him, to balance out some of his more foolish mistakes, but she seemed changed last night – more reckless. They started to involve you – that’s why I quit. I couldn’t have them do that. Even if you had no idea what you were guarding them from, they were still putting you in danger. That was the final straw. I think the group had been drifting apart these last weeks. I believe this will be the final act of the White Rose Society. Others are quitting now too. All you need to do now is pretend like you never saw or heard anything. You can’t even tell Sophie. The fewer who know that you know something about the White Rose Society, the better.” I gaped up at him, not fully believing what I’d heard. A mixture of relief and anger rushed through me.

“So that’s it? You’re just out? What about tomorrow, when they’re putting their lives at risk for what they believe in? Won’t you at least help them? Or try to talk them out of it? I can’t believe you! You’re leaving your friends when they need you the most!” I griped, pounding my fists weakly against his chest. He grabbed my wrists, and said

“Bea, listen, I’ve already tried talking sense into them – they won’t listen! I’ve tried. You don’t know how hard I’ve tried. But what I have to think about now is me, and my family. If I’m found guilty of conspiracy against Hitler, my father loses all credibility. My family would be ruined. There isn’t anything else I can do. I’m sorry Bea.” Tears were streaming down both our faces by then.

“No. If they won’t stop, I’ll have to help. Sophie is like a sister to me. I can’t just let her go off without someone keeping watch. I have to help them. I can’t loose her. I can’t.” I sobbed, and turned away determinedly. Willi caught me by the shoulder and spun me around.

“Bea, no. You can’t! If they’re caught and someone figures out that you were keeping watch for them, well that’s all the evidence the Gestapo needs to send you to jail, or even kill you. There is no justice in the ‘People’s Court’. Please. Don’t do this.” I stared wildly up at him, beyond reason. I had to help Sophie. Wrenching away again, I sprinted for Sophie’s apartment. I heard Willi calling after me, but I kept on my course. I had to save Sophie.